Have you ever been to a foam party? It’s the kind of thing that’s popular in nightclubs, where scantily clad people, usually but not necessarily in a chemically altered state, writhe around in bubbles to music.
Personally, I would rather boil my head than swap suds with anyone in public. And besides, at 58 I would look and feel pretty pathetic trying to take part in what is essentially an 18-30 sport.
Not so, apparently, 61-year-old Jeff Bezos, the intergalactically rich founder of Amazon, was this week pictured in his Vilbrequins on board his $500million superyacht Koru getting in a lather with his pneumatic soon-to-be wife, Lauren Sanchez, 55.
The celebrations, held off the coast of Croatia en-route to Venice, where the pair plan to marry, were ostensibly to mark the blushing bride’s son’s 19th, which in a way makes it even more embarrassing.
Poor kid: is there anything more cringe than having your friends witness your own mother cavorting in a string bikini with your soon-to-be stepfather? If I had done that to one of my children, they would have (rightly) disowned me.
But this is just the warm-up for the Bezos bandwagon. The nuptials themselves are expected to last a week, at a cost of $15million-20million (£11million-£15million) – and have caused fury among some Venetians, who object to their city being turned into a rich man’s theme park.
Venice is no stranger to the worst excesses of human behaviour – indeed the city was built on corruption and greed. But at least its previous patrons displayed a degree of imagination even as they indulged their most extravagant fantasies.
One thinks not only of the succession of Doges that ran the place during its heyday and the city’s annual Carnevale; but also of the captivating Marchesa Casati, muse to Jean Cocteau and Cecil Beaton, who took up residence at the Palazzo Leoni, on the Grand Canal, in 1910.
A renowned beauty, la Contessa hosted legendary soirees, spending unfathomable fortunes on costumes and settings. She kept an outrageous menagerie of exotic animals, once parading with a pair of cheetahs and wearing live snakes as jewellery.
Having once been the richest woman in Italy, she burned through her vast fortune, eventually dying in penury in London. In her final days, legend has it that she was spotted rifling through bins in Kensington, in search of feathers to wear in her hair.
There is doubtless something about Venice that attracts excess. Perhaps it’s the fact that the city itself is essentially a folly, built on swampland and forever on the verge of being claimed by the sea. But at least characters like Casati had a bit of class.
For today’s super-rich, Venice might as well be Vegas. They’ve about as much regard for the culture, beauty and traditions of the place as Disney has for historical accuracy.
Just look at the way Kanye West and Bianca Censori behaved when they were there, him parading his virtually naked wife like some sort of sex-bot before performing an x-rated act on a gondola, in public.
It’s disrespectful and crass – much like the eye-popping outfit that Sanchez herself wore to President Trump’s inauguration, as it happens.
But then the modern breed of super-rich have no respect for anyone or anything. They expect the very air to bend to their will. They act like spoilt children because they can – and because no one can afford to say no to them.
Hence the mayor of Venice, Luigi Brugnaro, declaring himself ‘very proud’ to be hosting the celebrations, adding: ‘I don’t know if I will have time, or if he will, to meet and shake hands, but it’s an honour that they chose Venice.’ We are told Bezos has donated generously to various Venice charities in the months leading up to the nuptials.
Over the next few days, the likes of Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom – and even members of the Trump family will reportedly join the happy couple, alongside Lady Gaga and Elton John, who are rumoured to be performing at the event. Again, testimony to the power of Bezos’s money.
But some things can’t be bought. Given the time of year, the canals will not only be heaving with tourists – but also the familiar aroma of centuries of human detritus that hangs in the air when the mercury spikes.
Anyone who knows the real Venice knows that no amount of money or extravagant embellishments can ever truly disguise that particular aroma.
Perhaps, when all is said and done, Venice IS the perfect setting for the Bezos extravaganza after all.
