Rio Ferdinand has shed light on the early stages of his relationship with now-wife Kate and admitted his kids’ reaction decided the future of their union.
Appearing on the former TOWIE star’s podcast Blended, the former footballer, 46, shed light on how he dealt with introducing a new romance after losing his beloved wife Rebecca, and being left a single father to Lorenz, 18, Tate, 16, and Tia, 13.
Rebecca died aged just 34 after a short battle with breast cancer. She appeared to be in the clear only for a scan to reveal the disease had spread to her bones five weeks before her death, prior to which she planned her own funeral.
Amid his grief, Rio met Kate, who he began dating in 2017, however he revealed her introduction to his family was slow moving. The couple wed in Turkey in September 2019 and share two children; Cree, four, and Shae, who turns two later this month.
Discussing introducing his relationship to his children, Rio told his wife: ‘It’s hard, you don’t really get over it if you do it wrong, if it’s done abruptly without conversations and done the wrong way.
‘But if people are saying no, the kids are saying no I don’t know, man. I’m just lucky, fortunately we didn’t get to that point…
‘But if my kids have said no, we’re probably not here right now. Because we don’t get the chance to get to where we are, where we’re like madly in love…
‘Because as soon as the kids say no – we were in love at that time, but it was still early enough to think where you go, but on both sides, you go, ‘The kids ain’t accepting me, I can’t get into this. It’s too much stress.’
‘And I’m going, ‘The kids ain’t happy. They’re going to have to be number one.’ And I think there’s a lot of relationships that would end up because of that…
‘I don’t know how you push on after you’ve just found someone, you fell in love with them, you two together, and the kids aren’t involved in that…
‘And then when they get involved and not happy, I don’t know how you still move forward together like that unless you separate it.’
On navigating the introduction stages, he said: ”I do think it’s important in the way that you introduce this new person into the house. We very much were on the basis, we talked a lot before we even broached the idea with the kids…
‘We brought Kate in as a friend first, they started seeing her around at different things that we go into friends’ houses, et cetera. Kate will be there. And Ronnie, the dog, which is a great softener as well…
‘But those moments of familiarity and, ‘Oh, it’s only Kate,’ soften that next move where you go, ‘Right, guys,’ and you bring that. I just think we were really much about bringing them into the conversation, make them feel, have some ownership over the whole situation…
”Listen, guys, you remember Kate?’ Let’s see where we go then, Dad.’ I think if you do it wrong, I’ve been in a situation, my own family recently, where it’s done wrong. And I’ve been part of the ramifications of that and the repercussions’.
Rio married Rebecca in 2009, after meeting at the age of 21. He popped the question during a trip to Las Vegas in 2007, a year after Lorenz’s birth, before marrying in an idyllic ceremony in Peter Island.
Following her tragic death, he released a statement reading: ‘My soul mate slipped away last night. Rebecca, my wonderful wife, passed away peacefully after a short battle with cancer at the Royal Marsden Hospital in London.
‘She was a fantastic loving mother to our three beautiful children. She will be missed as a wife, sister, aunt, daughter and granddaughter. She will live on in our memory, as a guide and inspiration.
‘Myself, my parents Janice and Julian, along with Rebecca’s parents Lesley and Stephen, would like to thank our families, friends and my club colleagues who have rallied around in these desperate days, weeks and months.’
On Blended, Rio went on to discuss grief and guilt, saying: ‘I think it’s very natural to feel guilty. I don’t think I ever went, really went out anywhere…
‘I swear, even just going to work, there’s massive guilt. Just going to work, you’re thinking, I can’t leave these three babies. I can’t leave them…
‘The fact they’re going to school is definitely a 100% bonus, because you can do stuff in between there and really not feel that guilty. But then it was more like when they come home, and I really tried to make a conscious effort of being there, but then sometimes work did actually make me have to be out of the house…
‘And it’s like, it’s a really big tug of war with yourself. But I think you have to be kind of, you have to take care of yourself. You have to… the kids are more, everyone’s always said this, the kids are more resilient than you actually think…
‘If you just put them in cotton wool and just really make them always feel secure and always just trying to make the perfect scenario for them, that’s not good for them in the long run…
‘So you being out of the house and not being there at moments, and they are questioning it, but they know you’re coming back, it actually is good for them, I think, in time…
‘But in the moment, I think it’s hard to believe that and to really go like, okay, that’s the situation, because your instincts are to feel guilty, do you know what I mean?…
‘But going out on dates, I think are even good for you when you’re in this position, in this transition, because whether it’s the right person or not, it’s a bit of you time, and your head space is not about being a dad and being protective and trying to cotton wool those next steps for the kids and make everything perfect.
‘You’re just actually, you’re kind of coming away from that and actually the relief, I swear to you that the…
‘I don’t know, I used to feel so much like going out with my mates, or if you did go on a date, it’s like… because your head’s really heavy, man. It’s really heavy.
‘You’re worrying a lot. It’s just pure worry all the time, constantly worrying, worrying, worrying, seeing your kids look out of a window and thinking, what the hell are they thinking? And it just breaks you.’
