‘No more sleeps!’ That was the over-excited, slightly infantile proclamation on the Duchess of Sussex’s Instagram account this morning. There was even a ticking clock counting down the seconds before the summer drop of new products landed on her As Ever website.
‘Here we go!’ shouted the next post, along with a photo of Meghan in a garden swing, hair flowing, sleeves puffy. My excitement could barely be contained. I was on tenterhooks!
Finally, at 4pm UK time, the launch went live. I clicked. I scrolled. I suddenly knew how post-war shoppers must have felt during rationing. Where on earth is all the new stuff?
The raspberry jam – sorry, spread – was tantalisingly pictured but was still sold out. Ah, here were new stocks of the edible flower sprinkles, the herbal teas, the crepe mix.
Then, at last, the much-billed new products for sale: a limited-edition orange blossom honey ($28) and an apricot spread in ‘keepsake packaging’ so that, for $14, you can keep the memory of how stupid you were to fall for this stuff.
For a moment, I felt I had been waiting, trembling, to meet a handsome man on a date, only for him to turn up with a fluorescent cold sore.
After all that build-up, two new products. Two .
But – and it’s a very big butt like in Meghan’s now infamous twerking video she posted this month – there, at the top of the website, was a very important announcement. It really did deserve its own easel outside Buckingham Palace.
Because it proclaimed the earth-shattering news that Meghan is about to launch her very own Napa Valley rosé, just in time for summer entertaining.
Yes!
Finally, after all her Confessions Of A Female Founder podcasts, her appearances with billionaire businesswomen, her activism about racism and poshism and all sorts of other isms, Meghan has given women what they really, really want.
A damn good rosé.
The writing was on the wall, of course, during her Netflix series, With Love, Meghan. Episode after episode, we saw the Duchess of Sussex popping open a bottle at the drop of a hat. Gone was the idea of the Stepford Wife, heaving Le Creuset crockery and sweating over a Wolf stove. In her place was the ultimate A-list wine ‘mom’ – now a moneymaking one at that.
Appearing on the podcast of former Dragons’ Den judge Emma Grede this week, Meghan hinted that she wanted to share her ‘real, authentic, fun’ side.
Turns out that twerking video in the maternity suite before giving birth to Lilibet was just the start. This is really the launch of fun Meghan. The dipsomaniac duchess.
You can’t actually buy the pink stuff until July 1 (I’ve already put the date in my calendar). But, with this teaser of a rosé reveal, I admire that Meghan is breaking free from the killjoys that tell women we must be good all the damn time.
After all, without a glass of something cold and intoxicating, how else does Meghan put up with the boorish husband, the screaming children and the online trolling? How does she blot it all out?
Here, it seems, is the truly ‘authentic’ Meghan (to use her own favourite word) recognising that women need something to cheer us up after a long week.
But this teaser taster is also an effort to appeal to a very different sort of group.
Meghan has already joined the buttoned-up ranks of the Royals. Now she’s part of the A-Z list of celebrity oenophiles making a fortune from their own wines: Brad Pitt, Sarah Jessica Parker, even the disgraced presenter Phillip Schofield.
You might mock, but celebrity wine is a highly lucrative side line: Kylie Minogue has sold more than 18 million bottles worldwide.
You can even purchase the plonk at a website called thecelebritydrinkscollection.com. The trend has democratised wine, made it accessible and fun.
So, yes, we can look down on Meghan. But doesn’t her life seem so much more exciting than parading in a daft hat at Royal Ascot? Oh, look, she’s just posted another photo on Instagram: a sun-dappled drinks tray with the caption, ‘Yummies and honeys, and fruit spreads, oh my!’ She really is my kinda gal.
Damp squib though her ‘launch’ may initially have appeared, there’s a reason Meghan has sidelined the raspberry spread. She has simply lost interest and knows it won’t keep making her money.
Her choice of a rosé – sales of which soar by a reported 150 per cent once the temperature rises above 20C – shows she simply wants women (I’ve yet to find a man who drinks pink) to enjoy ourselves.
Summer – like life – is short. I and doubtless millions of others will drink to that.
