I had a baby using free sperm from Facebook… I don’t recommend it,
When Laura Coldman found herself single and desperate for a second child, she turned to social media for help to achieve her dream… literally.
The 33-year-old, from Leicester, came out of a relationship in August 2018 and was unable to ignore her desires to give her son, then aged 6, a sibling.
In June 2020 she decided to go it alone as a single mother by choice—a growing movement in which women opt to start and raise families while not in a conventional partnership—and joined a Facebook group where men offer their sperm for free.
These groups, which operate outside of the law, are typically used by single women and women in same sex partnerships who want to have a baby or expand their families.
‘My friends and family were really supportive, even though they thought it was strange,’ Ms Coldman said.
In April 2022, after four ‘donations’ from her donor, Ms Coldman welcomed a healthy 8lbs 8oz boy she named Calum Anthony Ryan.
Ms Coldman, a liaison officer, said: ‘At first I thought the Facebook group was a joke, but the more I studied the page, the more I warmed up to it.
‘The donor messaged me pretty much right away, offering his services.
‘I asked around in a different private group to make sure he was legitimate, he came highly recommended.’
However, it was only after her son was born and began displaying developmental delays that she discovered that several of the other children fathered by her sperm donor exhibited similar neurodivergent traits.
She said: ‘[Calum] is my world, but he’s also non-verbal. I’m awaiting an autism diagnosis.
‘It wasn’t until last year that I realised that Calum has complex additional needs.
‘He’s on a waiting list for another hearing test and then a three-year list for an autism test and speech therapy .
‘I believe that his complex needs are a result of the donor.
‘I don’t think I’m neurodivergent, which could mean the donor is.
‘Other mums who have had children with the same donor have children who have neurodivergent traits.’
It’s the lack of knowledge about Calum’s father’s history which has made Ms Coldman urge other women not to rush into getting pregnant with free donor sperm.
She said: ‘I wouldn’t be without Calum, but I wouldn’t recommend Facebook sperm donation to anyone.
‘You don’t know enough about the person. They might not disclose things about their past or their medical history.
‘He could have been a convicted criminal or have serious mental health issues – I’d just never have known.
‘I told him when Calum was born – sent him a handful of updates since but I haven’t spoken to him in the last year.
‘It was risky and I don’t regret it because I have my beautiful son – but I absolutely wouldn’t do it again and wouldn’t recommend it to others either.
‘You never truly know what you’re getting into.’
Ms Coldman can’t be sure if her donor is on the autism spectrum, and admits that their interactions were purely transactional.
She first met the donor six months after joining the free sperm group when she travelled to his home in Sheffield for the first insemination.
Upon arrival, she claims she was led to his basement which was set up like a waiting room, where she inserted a syringeful of fresh semen straight into her cervix.
She said: ‘He barely said two words to me, I thought it was weird at the time.
‘But I was desperate to be a mum again.
She said: ‘I collected my first donation in December by going to his house.
‘My friend drove me and waited outside, I didn’t know what to expect.
‘The donor barely spoke to me and led my to a designated room in the basement of their home.
‘It was like a waiting room, and 10 minutes later, he reappeared with the sample in a syringe.
‘I inseminated myself then and there, waited 20 minutes on the sofa and went home.
‘I did this three more times over the course of seven months before falling pregnant in July 2021.’
However, Ms Coldman has no regrets about Calum’s conception.
‘I don’t regret having a Facebook sperm donor—I wouldn’t have Calum if not,’ she said.
‘To anyone considering the same, be careful and do your research.
‘I could have saved the money, but what’s the point of going for IVF when I’m not infertile.
‘Even if you go to a registered clinic, you’re still taking a stranger’s sperm.
‘At least I met my donor.’
Ms Coldman has shared her story because she has launched a GoFundMe to raise money to buy special furniture for Calum’s bedroom.
‘He doesn’t register danger like a child his age might,’ she said.
‘I’ve had to remove the furniture from his room because he’ll climb every inch of his room.
‘It plays on my mind all the time if he will ever talk or if I will have to look after him for the rest of my life.
‘But he’s only three, so it’s in a way early days.’
Expanding on the challenges the littl’un faces, she wrote on the fundraising page: ‘He climbs, bangs, throws himself around, and doesn’t recognise risks like windows, furniture, or any other dangers around him.
‘Every night I have to watch over him constantly because without me he could seriously hurt himself.
‘I’ve removed all furniture from his room, bolted shut the windows and cupboard doors, and installed an extra high stair gate to ensure maximum safety.
‘I even bought a tent style safe bed to try to keep him contained, but within a week he tore it apart.
‘Sadly, so many “special needs” products are overpriced and not built to last.’
Social media groups offering free sperm operate outside the legal framework for fertility services in the UK, which are regulated by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA).
It is illegal to provide sperm for human application without an HFEA license, which means arrangements made on platforms like Facebook are outside the regulated system.
There are also legal implications; in private arrangements, the sperm donor can be considered the legal father.
This means that they can be made to be responsible for all parental and financial responsibilities, even if this wasn’t the original agreement.
