Hospice nurse who has watched hundreds of deaths reveals seven regrets

A hospice nurse who claims to have sat with 300 dying patients has listed seven of the most common regrets she’s heard people make on their deathbeds.

The nurse, identified only as Laura M, worked in end of life care for fifteen years, supporting people as they teetered in the twilight zone between this life and the next. 

According to Everyday Health Tips, Laura—whose location is not disclosed—realised that her role in their final moments was more than just making sure they were comfortable and filling in paperwork, but listening to them. 

Inspired, she began jotting down their fears, dreams, reflections and regrets, and found that they fit into roughly seven categories. 

Everyday Health Trips reports: ‘She didn’t expect to uncover a map of the human soul.

‘Over fifteen years and more than three hundred deaths, she heard the same confessions, regrets, and revelations—different voices, same truths.

‘Her notes reveal something haunting yet hopeful: most people don’t fear dying. They fear not having really lived.

‘We’re all chasing something—success, control, attention—but every chase ends in stillness.

‘What matters is who we loved and how we showed up while we were still running.’

The blog then goes through the seven themes, and suggests the simple steps people can start taking right now to make sure that they don’t have the same moments of painful clarity when it’s their time to say goodbye.  

‘I should have loved more—and differently’

One death that sticks in Laura’s mind is that of WW2 hero George, 92, who had been estranged from his brother for forty years.

While the cause of their fall out was not revealed, she remembers him whispering to her, ‘I won the argument, but I lost a lifetime.’

The lesson from this is that no one dies wishing they had been harder, they actually regret the moments they chose not to be kind. 

To make sure it doesn’t happen to you? Thomas Blake, author of Everyday Health Tips suggests:  ‘Send the message. Make the call. Don’t wait for the funeral to say what love demands now.’

‘I saved my joy for later—and later never came’

Laura claims that a retired engineer once told her, ‘I was so scared of being poor that I became rich in fear.’

According to Blake, he died three months after he retired and was never able to spend the savings he had amassed throughout his life. 

‘We all postpone happiness: after the raise, the move, the milestone. But life doesn’t honour those timelines,’ he writes, adding that the engineer’s words should spur you to ‘let joy become your default, not your reward.’ 

‘Forgiveness set me free more than oxygen did’

For some people, holding a grudge becomes a lifestyle choice, with a bellyful of seething rage powering their daily lives. 

But Laura discovered that when death is looming, it can become easier to embrace forgiveness. 

Blake writes that Laura had one dying patient who chose to forgive her estranged son as she ‘couldn’t die angry’—and passed away just half an hour after their unexpected reconcilliation. 

This, he adds demonstrates that unforgiveness doesn’t punish others—it poisons you.

If you’re struggling to navigate a past betrayal, he suggests writing a letter of forgiveness to get these toxic feelings out of your system.  

‘Peace isn’t a prize. It’s a release,’ he says.

‘The best things in life were free—and I was too busy to notice’

Laura noted that people didn’t dwell on their successes or possessions in the final moments of their lives. 

Blake writes that actually they said that they would miss ‘the smell of rain, the sound of birds, my dog’s breath in the morning.’

He also writes that once a CEO told her, ‘I mistook being busy for being alive.’ 

To avoid this fate, he suggests you unplug from technology for a day and ‘count how many moments make you smile without screens or money.’

‘Regret is the heaviest thing to carry’

Many elderly people will tell you it’s better to regret the things you did do rather than you didn’t, and this is a theme from Laura’s deathbed experiences, too. 

Blake claims that one patient told her: ‘I didn’t regret failing—I regretted never auditioning.’

While it can be hard to push yourself to try and do new things, or venture into new situations, there is a way of getting under the hood of the ‘what ifs’ that would really bother you at the end of your life. 

Try writing down the three things you’d most regret not doing, and then take steps to start the first one before the end of the week. .

‘Presence is the greatest gift you can give’

While you might think the sound of a flatlining heart monitor is the saddest sound in a hospice ward, Laura claimed it was actually the ‘phone vibrating beside an empty chair.’

She claims that one father told her that he was bothered by the lack of attention he gave to his loved ones, even when they were in the same building. 

He said: ‘I was always somewhere else—even when I was home.’

Blake adds that ‘distraction is the modern disease of the living, we scroll through life like it’s rehearsal.’ 

To avoid feelings like this, put your phone down and be in the moment, listen fully, and enjoy meals and activities without distractions. 

He adds: ‘One day, someone will give anything to remember that moment you were half-absent for.’

‘Peace comes when you stop pretending’ 

The final regret Laura noted was that people spent their lives pretending to be someone else—who they, or others, thought they should be. 

She recalls one woman who pulled off her wig, and said, ‘Finally, I’m done pretending.’

Blake says it’s time to let people see the real you, and to stop being afraid of being authentic—it’s what makes your life truly fulfilling.