The rise of ‘greysexuality’ – and why it has some experts concerned

Increasing numbers of young people are identifying as ‘greysexual’—meaning they only feel sexual attraction occasionally, rarely or under certain conditions.

The term has been gaining attention online, with a dedicated Reddit forum, r/Greysexuality, attracting more than 8,300 members and remaining highly active.

Videos about the identity have also racked up thousands of views on TikTok and YouTube.

In one such clip, greysexual YouTuber and podcaster Mark—who posts under the handle @notdefining—describes it as feeling ‘a bit of sexual attraction’ but ‘to a low degree’, making it distinct from being completely asexual.

He called the label ‘immensely helpful’, explaining: ‘It helps people to understand that I do experience sexual attraction, I do have sex, I do enjoy sex and sexual fantasies, but I may experience them to a significantly lower degree than most people.’

However the trend comes amid growing concern from experts that millennials and Gen Z are having fewer sexual partners than previous generations at the same age.

Studies indicate a growing number reporting no sexual partners or infrequent encounters—a phenomenon often referred to as the ‘sex recession’.

Researchers say it is not simply a lack of interest, but often fuelled by anxiety.

US writer Carter Sherman, who interviewed more than 100 young people for her book The Second Coming, argues that miseducation, porn, digital disconnection, and political pressure have combined to reshape young people’s experience of sex and intimacy.

She found many were held back by social media–fuelled body image pressures and political debates over sexual rights, which she says have created a climate of ‘fear and shame’ around sex.

Scientific studies support this picture. Research has found that scrolling through ‘perfect’ photos on Instagram can make young people feel worse about their bodies and lower their confidence—which in turn can put them off dating or sex.

The term greysexual—also sometimes called grey-A—was first used in 2006 on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network to describe the ‘grey area’ between being completely asexual and feeling sexual attraction regularly.

Those who identify as greysexual say it is a spectrum, which can also include other identities such as demisexual—people who only feel sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond. 

That term was popularised when singer Tulisa Contostavlos revealed last year on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! that she identifies as demisexual. 

Some experts believe social media platforms like TikTok and Reddit are fuelling the rapid spread of niche identity terms such as ‘greysexual’ or ‘demisexual’, arguing this can overcomplicate how people think about sex and relationships. 

Others see the same trend as a positive step, giving people the words and community to express feelings they might otherwise struggle to explain. 

A significant figure in the asexual community is Yasmin Benoit, a model and actress who raises visibility of asexuality and aromanticism—which is no romantic attraction. 

Meanwhile, a survey by the Ace Community Census in 2022 found that 43 per cent of people on the asexual spectrum had been told they should try to ‘cure’ themselves.

Doctors stress there’s a difference between being asexual or greysexual—where low sexual attraction is consistent—and losing interest in sex suddenly, which could be a sign of stress, depression or health problems. 

The NHS says persistent loss of libido can also be linked to heart disease, diabetes, thyroid problems or the menopause.

While people on the greysexual spectrum may not feel sexual attraction to others, that doesn’t mean they never experience sexual feelings. 

Surveys by the Ace Community Census show many still masturbate—often for pleasure, stress relief or simply because they enjoy it—while others have little or no interest in sexual activity of any kind.

Experts say it varies from person to person, and being asexual or greysexual doesn’t automatically mean having no sex drive at all.

Nevertheless, it is important to know the difference between asexuality and a low libido, which could be a sign of underlying health conditions.

Whereas asexuality is a generally consistent pattern of not experiencing sexual attraction, low libido is a temporary change.

It can happen suddenly or develop gradually, for example during periods of depression.

Loss of libido is common, affecting one in five men and even more women at some point in their lives, according to the NHS. 

It is often linked to work stress or major life changes such as pregnancy, childbirth or breastfeeding.

The NHS warns that unexpected or long-term loss of libido can be a sign of hidden problems, and urges people experiencing it to make an appointment with their GP.

Some long-term conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, an underactive thyroid or cancer, can affect sex drive. 

Other causes include certain medications for high blood pressure or depression, the contraceptive pill, heavy drinking, and the onset of the menopause—which every woman will experience at some point in her life.