When Meggan Grubb discovered she was pregnant with her much longed for second child, she immediately began to envision her little family’s new chapter.
The fitness influencer, 30, and her husband, Niall Kirkland, a professional social media chef, had been trying to conceive a sibling for their daughter Winnie, 2, for months.
‘It was around Valentine’s Day when I found out I was pregnant,’ she tells the Daily Mail.
‘I started imagining everything and where my life was about to go.’
Such was Meggan’s eagerness to fall pregnant, she had tested early – just three days before her period was due – and while the initial test showed a positive result, a digital test read ‘not pregnant’.
To be certain, she continued testing. The following day, several tests confirmed the pregnancy and the news began to settle in.
But just five days after that first positive result, she began her period.
Meggan had experienced what is known medically as a chemical pregnancy, a very early miscarriage that often occurs before a missed period.
Meggan Grubb, 30, from Hampshire, hopes to raise awareness about early baby loss after she went through a chemical pregnancy – an experience she describes as ‘unbearable’
This is thought to occur when the pregnancy is not viable, as is typical in very early miscarriage, although no specific cause was identified in her case.
‘Between the first positive test and bleeding, I think it was about five days, so I was only pregnant for a few days,’ Meggan, 30, from Hampshire, says.
‘You have that rush of positive emotion and you feel like your world’s flipped. And then suddenly it’s taken away so quickly.
‘That euphoric feeling, your world shifting, the endless possibilities of where life is about to go when you first see that positive test – it being snatched away feels unbearable.’
Because the loss happened so early and resolved on its own, Meggan didn’t see her GP or need any hospital treatment – something she says can make a chemical pregnancy feel as if it ‘didn’t happen’, because it’s all kept behind closed doors at home.
She also dislikes the term ‘chemical pregnancy’ because she feels it makes the miscarriage sound less like a ‘real’ loss.
‘I had never heard of chemical pregnancies before my experience,’ she says.
And it’s not surprising. Many people never realise they have had one if they do not take an early pregnancy test.
Modern home pregnancy tests can now detect pregnancy hormones sooner than ever before, meaning more people are becoming aware of miscarriages that occur in the earliest stages of pregnancy.
‘People say, “At least you know you can get pregnant”. As much as I get it, it’s not what you want to hear,’ she says.
As a couple, she and Niall experienced the loss differently.
‘I was so attached to the whole situation because it was in my body,’ she says.
At first, she struggled to understand why his reaction seemed less intense than hers. But about a week later, his grief surfaced.
Meggan is pictured with her husband Niall Kirkland and their child, Winnie
‘He just had a bit of a meltdown because I think it all hit him.’
Then came the conversations with friends and family.
Meggan had not told anyone she was pregnant at the time but after the miscarriage, she felt she could not keep it to herself.
‘I had to tell all these people in my life that, “Oh, by the way, I was pregnant, and now I’m not.” And after I did that, it helped me so much,’ she says. ‘Everybody was so supportive.’
Opening up meant sharing something deeply private but it also brought relief.
‘I just felt like a weight had come off me,’ she says. ‘People were checking in, and I could feel the love.’
The experience also encouraged her to speak publicly.
When she eventually shared her story online, the response was overwhelming. Hundreds of women reached out to say they had experienced similar early losses, many in silence.
Reading through the messages, Meggan felt reassured in her decision to speak out.
Many women told her they had never talked about their early losses before and had felt they should keep them quiet. ‘Women are made to feel like it’s a secret,’ she says – a belief this experience has only strengthened.
Some women described feeling isolated in their grief, unsure whether their loss ‘counted’ or deserved acknowledgement.
The conversations also highlighted how unsupported many women feel after miscarriage.
There is no legal right to specific miscarriage leave in the UK, though some employers, and now the NHS in England, implement their own policies.
Tommy’s estimates there are around 250,000 miscarriages in the UK each year.
Other estimates put this figure higher, about one in six, as many women in the very early stages of pregnancy may not realise they are expecting when a miscarriage occurs.
The response to her post reinforced Meggan’s belief that more openness is needed around early miscarriage.
She is now working with Tommy’s, which funds research into miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth and provides support to families affected.
Through her own experience, she has become more aware of how limited formal support can be after early pregnancy loss. She believes women should not have to wait for multiple miscarriages before receiving investigation or care.
Meggan, who one day hopes to have a second baby, is pictured with her daughter Winnie, who was born in July 2023
‘At the moment, many women aren’t really taken seriously by the NHS until they’ve had three miscarriages in a row,’ she says.
The NHS defines recurrent miscarriage as three or more consecutive pregnancy losses and generally only offers specialised investigations after this point.
Meggan is backing a campaign calling for support and medical review after a first miscarriage – a change that Tommy’s estimates could help prevent more than 10,000 pregnancy losses a year.
In a trial done at Tommy’s National Centre for Miscarriage Research and Birmingham Women’s Hospital, women were offered a one-to-one consultation with a specialist nurse after their first loss.
Kath Abrahams, chief executive of Tommy’s, said: ‘NHS care and support for women who experience a miscarriage in the UK is inconsistent and generally involves no follow-up or tests until after a third loss.
‘Our pilot study indicates that providing support after a first miscarriage, with escalating care after further losses, is not only effective but achievable without significant additional workload for NHS teams who are already working extremely hard to deliver good care.’
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Scotland has already embedded the new model into its miscarriage care pathway, she added.
Baroness Merron, parliamentary under-secretary of state at the Department of Health and Social Care, said the findings would be carefully considered.
She added: ‘Pregnancy and baby loss can have a devastating impact on women and families, who too often feel they have been left without the care and support they need.
‘Research like this is crucial, and our renewed Women’s Health Strategy puts women’s voices and experiences at the heart of care.’
In 2024, a scheme was launched which allows parents who lose a baby before 24 weeks of pregnancy to apply for a certificate to have their grief formally recognised for the first time.
Babies born before 24 weeks do not need to be officially registered, leaving some parents feeling ignored.
The new certificates can be requested online for free and are available to either parent who has suffered a loss in early pregnancy since September 2018.
Despite everything, Meggan is still hopeful about growing her family.
Above all, Meggan wants other women to know their grief is valid – no matter how early the loss. ‘A loss is a loss,’ she says. ‘They all count.’
- If you have been affected by this article, support is available through Sands on 0808 164 3332 or via email at helpline@sands.org.uk
