Bruce Willis wife Emma Heming explained how her interpretation of the holiday season has shifted amid Willis’ yearslong health battle with frontotemporal dementia and aphasia.
Heming, 47, delved into detail about what she faces as she cares for her ailing spouse in an essay she posted to her website titled The Holidays Look Different Now.
‘The holidays have a way of holding up a mirror, reflecting who we’ve been, who we are, and what we imagined they would be,’ said the one-time model, who shares daughters Mabel Ray, 13, and Evelyn, 11, with the Die Hard actor, 70.
Heming said that ‘when you’re caring for someone with dementia, that reflection can feel especially poignant.
‘Traditions that once felt somewhat effortless require planning- lots of planning. Moments that once brought uncomplicated joy may arrive tangled in a web of grief.’
Heming, who has a skincare company called CocoBaba and a wellness organization called Make Time Wellness, said she remained hopeful that the end of the year could bring positive developments amid the adversity.
‘There can still be warmth,’ Heming said. ‘There can still be joy. I’ve learned that the holidays don’t disappear when dementia enters your life. They change.’
Heming said she believed it was appropriate for people experiencing a loved one’s failing health to grieve, even if the person hasn’t died yet.
‘Grief doesn’t only belong to death,’ Heming said. ‘It belongs to change and the ambiguous loss caregivers know so well. It belongs to the realization that things won’t unfold the way they once did.
‘It belongs to the absence of routines, conversations, or roles that were once so familiar you never imagined them ending.’
Heming, who wed the Pulp Fiction actor in March of 2009, looked back on the years in which her spouse especially enjoyed holiday celebrations.
‘For me, the holidays carry memories of Bruce being at the center of it all. He loved this time of year- the energy, family time, the traditions,’ Heming said. ‘He was the pancake-maker, the get-out-in-the-snow-with-the-kids guy, the steady presence moving through the house as the day unfolded.’
Heming said that being ‘a creature of habit,’ she found ‘comfort in the routine of knowing exactly how the day would go’ – a routine erased by The Sixth Sense star’s ongoing health battle.
‘Dementia doesn’t erase those memories,’ Heming said. ‘But it does create space between then and now. And that space can ache.’
Heming said that ‘grief during the holidays can show up in unexpected ways’ via common triggers.
She said, ‘It can arrive while pulling decorations out of storage, wrapping gifts or hearing a familiar song’ or ‘it can catch you off guard in the middle of a room full of people, or in the quiet moment when everyone else has gone to bed.’
Heming said she missed ‘the way he once led the holiday charge’ and is annoyed at yet another ‘reminder of how things have changed’ in the wake of his health crisis.
‘If you’re feeling that mix of grief (and yes, annoyance), you’re not doing the holidays wrong,’ she said. ‘
Heming added, ‘You’re responding honestly to a very real loss. You can miss what was and still show up for what is.’
It’s been nearly four years since Heming released a joint statement via Instagram with her two daughters and Willis’s ex-wife Demi Moore, 61, and daughters Rumer, 37, Scout, 34, Tallulah, 31, announcing that Willis was stepping back from acting amid his aphasia diagnosis.
In the March 30, 2022 statement, they said that Willis ‘has been experiencing some health issues and has recently been diagnosed with aphasia, which is impacting his cognitive abilities.
‘As a result of this and with much consideration Bruce is stepping away from the career that has meant so much to him. This is a really challenging time for our family and we are so appreciative of your continued love, compassion and support.’
They continued: ‘We are moving through this as a strong family unit, and wanted to bring his fans in because we know how much he means to you, as you do to him. As Bruce always says, “Live it up” and together we plan to do just that.’
